Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
