i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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