I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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