You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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