i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
