I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
