i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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