Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
