I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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