I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
