You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
