youre lurking in front of me
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize