DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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