Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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