You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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