I'm going to jail i love you
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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