I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
