The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize