found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize