It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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