I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
