he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
