you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
