it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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