And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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