at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
babies were throwing up all over the place
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
