I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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