And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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