what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
