He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
