"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
