He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize