Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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