when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
