I think im going to throw up on grandma
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
