Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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