So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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