I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize