Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
