If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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