hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
