It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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