so explain again why im purple
no
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
