We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize