I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
