Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
