I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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