Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
