plz talk dirty to me
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Randomize
