I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
