Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
