I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
