marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
