I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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