I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
