I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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