i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
