At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Michael Bay diarrhea
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
