Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
