I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
