i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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