my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
