This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
