my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
