hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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