Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
