I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
